Skillpower—The Hidden Stress Before the Celebration—and How to Calm It

Have you ever noticed tension rising long before a shared event—maybe a get-together, a meeting, or a family visit?
You want to look forward to it, but something in the body tightens, as if preparing for impact.
That reaction isn’t weakness. It’s a learned pattern, and it has everything to do with how the brain protects us from what it remembers.

Let me tell you a story about someone who learned how to change that pattern.

✨ Mara’s Story

A few weeks before an upcoming holiday event, Mara began to feel uneasy.
Her chest tightened, her mind replayed old conversations, and she found herself dreading what was supposed to be a pleasant occasion.

Her body wasn’t reacting to the present—it was reacting to the past.
It remembered last year’s exhaustion, the emotional strain, the moments she had promised herself she’d stay calm but couldn’t.
Those memories became a signal: brace yourself.

🧠 The Science

What Mara experienced is called anticipatory stress.
It happens when the brain’s alarm system—the amygdala—predicts danger before anything has even happened.
When familiar cues—like certain voices, places, or topics—activate old memories, the body releases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.
We start living in the memory of stress rather than the moment we’re actually in.

Even positive anticipation can stir this same chemistry, because the body doesn’t always know the difference between excitement and anxiety.
But the hopeful truth is that the same brain that once learned to expect stress can learn to expect calm.

When we notice what’s happening and name it—this is my body remembering—the rational part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, comes online.
That one act of awareness begins to lower stress chemistry and create a new memory of safety.

🌿 The Skill

Before any special event, try training the body ahead of time.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself in that environment—calm, steady, at ease.
See yourself walking through it without tension.
This isn’t wishful thinking; it’s neural rehearsal.
You’re teaching your nervous system that peace belongs in that scene too.

Even small patterns of predictability—steady sleep, gentle routines, moments of quiet—send powerful reassurance to the body:
You’re safe; nothing unexpected is happening.

Each time you experience calm where stress used to live, your brain records new evidence.
Over time, the body learns that connection can coexist with peace.

That’s what happened for Mara.
When she practiced this simple rehearsal, she arrived at her next event feeling centered.
There were still conversations and noise and life happening all around her, but her body stayed calm.
She didn’t need to escape.
She realized her nervous system had learned a new story—one of steadiness and trust.

If that’s something you’ve been longing for too, it’s absolutely possible.
The body can learn peace just as it once learned stress.

Watch the Video Here

Warmly,

Sheila Gravely
ARC Director, Certified FARA