When we remember that mirror neurons run a lot of our thoughts, we definitely want to be around people who are leading the life we want. We want someone who is eating clean. Sure. But we also want someone who is aware of all life can be — someone who is really enjoying life. We want someone who is upbeat. We especially wish to someone who has a sense of purpose. A significant purpose is one of the essential elements of a great life. It is a source of satisfaction and satisfaction is where our best quality of life resides.
What we don’t want is someone who’s stuck on the injustices of life. You know that person. The person who’s’ thought life is filled with outrage and plans for revenge. That is the person who is filling up their heads with lists of what other people are doing wrong...in their judgment. We sometimes find that these judgmental people have worked themselves into positions of power. They might have positioned themselves as the smartest person in the room. They might have persuaded others that their opinion should prevail. This is a kind of codependency that we do well to avoid like the plague or avoid like processed food.
The iron of the know it all is that often they’re filled with their opinions which in the world of food addiction and be deadly. A personal opinion about why you’re relapsing could be so depressing and shame-inducing that it sends us back into the pit of the addiction.
The person who is leading you through the labyrinth of food addiction needs to know the details of the terrain. It’s not a fixed maze. It’s not like you can learn every turn. The boys' leader knows the train because the wise leader has been over the terrain themselves lost, feeling hopeless, feeling helpless, feeling desperate. People think that you can teach the fifth plan and then move on. People think that it’s all about the food. To me, the food is only a 20% recovery period yet. We need to know how to prepare and manage food that is mechanical. To some degree. But not entirely. Peoples lives are filled with lots of different activities, schedules, speeches, and demands. How each person manages, their food is going to be entirely different.
One person might get a breakthrough from our victory over food addiction meal prep video. And two hours they can see how they can make all their food for the week. But the next person maybe has someone in their life and make up for that doesn’t stand for leftovers. They need each meal to be fresh and freshly cooked.
It was later will not change that situation. I want to Slater it does not say oh you need to teach that person to do what you want them to do. No. I wish to Slater will listen carefully to what is most comfortable for the member. It may be much easier for that member to merely make a fresh sod today van to confront or control a household member who is volatile, persistent, ridiculing, and monitoring.
When I was in training with a woman’s organization for recovery were, they used a phrase that I didn’t understand. The phrase is, stay one step behind the member. Now I know what that means. It means listen super careful. And what we hear for is where that member is already headed. What strands does that member already have? How can we organize or we have together that person‘s momentum and direction so that it becomes very easy for them?
The mistake comes when the leader gets their idea about where that number should be. This is Dudley for the member. Because the member is not likely to be able to get to where the leader wants him to go. This frustrates the number. It makes the member feel like a failure. The member is very likely to shut down and freeze.
Someone without experience and food addiction are much more likely to imagine progress in a member that is unrealistic. And it is tough to call her under the best of circumstances. The best of circumstances for ready availability of meetings throughout the day lead by a very experienced and profoundly compassionate later. Even under those circumstances food addiction is hard to beat. Our brands are highly sensitive, and the triggering from our crazy food culture is almost nonstop. Figuring out the next steps in this circumstance requires in my opinion, do you put familiar ready with the depth of the challenges that a member is facing. I think this can talk to a certain extent, but not entirely. I think the optimum leader is somebody who has had the training so that they know how to talk about their own experiences. I don’t think training is going to entirely compensate for the lack of personal experience with food addiction. It’s just too complicated. There are too many moving parts. And the landscape can change dramatically just a matter of seconds.
The third most voted for quality, and the leader is consistency. I understand this so well. Food out of so I have moved decades on a roller coaster, energy, cravings, and behaviors. Processed foods are so volatile; they can take action from com to screaming in a matter of a few seconds. Many of us have grown up with unstable people. We have learned to walk on eggshells people. This is distressing beyond description. Paragraph and effective leader and food addiction recovery, in my opinion, must be supremely emotionally stable. They must have control over their emotions. Anger, depression, anxiety, and shame do not have a place in the leadership role of someone who is leading food addicts through recovery.
This is what I am not saying I am not saying a leader does not have his emotions. And, I am not saying that the leader should not make sure about their feelings. I do this all the time in the arc because I need to demonstrate how I’m working through those emotions. I need to be able to come in and say so and so did this, and it triggered me into a child of a place of anger. I did a much meditation to rip myself out of that place. I’m giving myself a few days before I decide how to respond to that person.
This is very different from a leader who is angry at a member. Leaders to get mad at members don’t have control of her emotions. In that scenario, the leader is re-traumatizing the member. That’s not OK. Leaders who shame members by saying that they should’ve done something different and not trying hard enough. Those leaders are also re-traumatizing that person. And, what the leader is saying is not true. I am I’ve never seen anybody try harder than a food addict. They have been working hard for decades to get food under control. They deserve explanations for what happened to them. They deserve to know the science behind what happened to them. And they deserve our most profound compassion. Anytime a leader is getting mad or feeling anxiety or feeling depressed, they need to use the tools to the program to work themselves until a positive place before thing getting on a truck or a conference call.
Leaders are working hard to create a consistent sense of well-being and safety and members who have been buffeted back-and-forth by the health, diet, food, and glamour industries. That consistency comes from being around someone who is consistently cheerful, genuinely present, connected, attentive, and caring. The leader needs to be that way day and day out our after hour. And, that has to be genuine.
The cool thing about being a leader and I food recovery group is that this consistent cheerfulness and optimism invades our whole lives. We get ourselves ready for each chart and conference call. In the process of doing so, we learn over and over and that is precisely what our members need to have modeled it to them.
How to lift ourselves up.
It chaps me when somebody criticizes a food addict for not being able to get on top of the disease. In my opinion, I’m sorry to say that I go to judgment about the person doing the criticizing. In my understanding, they don’t understand food addiction. So many times and practitioner has failed to provide options that are easy to do and workable. Your summer has offered opportunities that are unrealistic or beside the point. And that is why the client is not moving forward. Perhaps the food clan is not clean enough. For the relationship, shifts are too tricky. There needs to be more time. The client needs to be able to try things out. The client needs to be able to think things through. The client needs days and days to get a vision for what will work for that client.
In the man while, a client needs a lot of reassurance. The client needs to be lifted through words of encouragement. The practitioner was helping by pointing out to the client how capable they are. The practitioner is pointing out their strengths. The practitioner is giving the client lots of opportunities to feel good about themselves.
People can make changes from positions of strength if a person feels weak and answers and uncertain about their capabilities. They can’t move forward. They can’t try new behaviors. We cannot take those risks.
Always pick something right out of what the person is saying.
Always lift them.
Always reflect them a new strain that they may not realize that even half.
Always always always be kind.
Never criticize never reinforce a mistake as a mistake.
Always flip mistakes into the excellent knowledge that comes out of the experience.
Don’t let members identify mistakes as mistakes. Re-frame them as inevitable in a sensitive culture.
Re-frame mistakes as valuable discovery experiences and beautiful, identifying useful experiences.
Always go over to load. That is the amount of queuing and triggering that the person was exposed to that led up to the lapse.
Except lapses as inevitable. Never criticize a member for having a lapse. Lapses are painful. The new consolation, comfort, and a small amount of understanding.
Always reminds people of that they’re in a constant process of trying, observing, talking, tweaking, and repeating slowly — the TOTTRS process.
so she’s like now like I don’t like how you’re living.
Never judge a client. If they have made a mistake, it is because they have been cued into it. This is not their fault. Their friends have been conditioned by food/tobacco marketers to react helplessly to circumstances. Do you need reassurance that their brain is in the process of keeping them safe? We’re not trained into how to prevent her friends from reacting instantly. It takes time to re-conditioner brain. It takes time for a brand to stop automatically filling clients hands with powerful urges. Reassure the client that they are on track. That their experience is normal. Describe the brain reactions occur when people are faced with cues.
Training into avoidance is being on track. We don’t get into a boxing ring on her first time I'd be able to knock out our sparring partners. We are sparring with somebody who has more experience and is stronger than us so that we learn. Every food addict is sparring with food every minute of every day. Again the ability to fight back and then slowly over time.
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